The Fertiles vs the Unfortunates

I have three stories about fertility. These stories are about three girls who all grew up together and have known each other their whole lives.

The first girl met a boy who was absolutely smitten with her and was already talking about having children with her. Even though she wasn't as keen, she had tests done because she was concerned about her health and whether she was able to have children. Her tests revealed that she would in fact have trouble conceiving, partly due to her obesity and some uterine issues. This didn't bother her at the time, as she was still in her early 20s...and she was later to go on to have two healthy babies with the man she eventually married.

The second girl married the man of her dreams in her mid 20s and had a number of health issues, one of them being endometriosis. Straight away there was concern for them conceiving. So they immediately started trying. And they successfully conceived within 4 months!

The third girl met a boy in her late teens and married in their late 20s with the plan of starting a family soon after. They were both happy and healthy, neither of them having any major health issues their whole lives. In fact, they had very boring medical histories....very uneventful!  Both came from big families...surely they were natural "breeders". Yet, they struggled to conceive for years.

I'm sure you've guessed by now that the last girl is me. I was a natural "breeder" from a big family. My cousins were breeders and started having children in their teens. It's a natural assumption that I would have no problems getting pregnant. I never had weight issues or irregular periods.

I used to be a "Fertile". Or so I thought.  Unknowingly, I was in fact an "Unfortunate". Infertility does not discriminate. It can strike anyone, including people you would least expect, like me.

I used to work with a guy who was a similar age to me. His wife was pregnant, but I had no idea at the time what they had gone through to get to that stage. When I found out they conceived through IVF, I'll admit that my immediate thought was that he was shooting blanks. Surely, that's the only cause of infertility? I mean, how narrow minded was I? Well now that I'm on the other side of the fence, I know that I'm faced with the same sort of response. Fertiles will just never understand because infertility isn't really something that is discussed. Oh, don't get me wrong, EVERYONE knows SOMEONE who has struggled to conceive (you have no idea how many people have told me these stories), but they will just never understand what any Unfortunate goes through.

Well, it sucks being an Unfortunate. It's just bloody unfair. It's a bloody struggle to achieve a pregnancy and it still affects you afterwards. Even though I have been incredibly lucky with a successful IVF cycle first go, the legacy of infertility continues to lurk there in the recesses of my mind. It holds me back (just that little bit) from investing too much of myself in the pregnancy or the birth. It took me months to accept that this was finally happening, because my mind just became trained to accept dissapointment. So I've always been a bit reserved during this pregnancy, knowing that anything could go wrong at any time. It feels like a reeeally long and tiring battle to the finish line. As I get closer to the finish line, everything becomes more real and I get a little bit more excited about future plans.

Sigh...I know getting over the finish line will be amazing and we can finally start the next chapter of our lives with our new little family. But the fight to get there will never be forgotten.