Dear AllSpark

We got to meet you today. For the first time. I was excited. Exhausted, a little anxious, but still excited. 

You were scheduled to be transferred back into my uterus as an embryo at 12.45pm.  Your dad and I took the day off work so we could meet you together. 

You were waiting for us at a new centre with a new specialist. You'd travelled a long way from the other side of the country to meet us here. But this centre is nice. And the specialist is lovely. I like her. 

We got to see you as an embryo on the screen. The embryologist pointed at the little dark shadow and said it was you. It looked like bubbles were breaking out the side. She said that was the embryo looking for something to stick to. 

Seeing you on screen was like seeing you make your grand entrance, walking down the stairs in slow motion, elegantly dressed and looking beautiful. I actually gasped. There you were! And I was the lucky mum to pick you up and continue your journey. 

The specialist placed you smack bang in the middle of my uterus and she showed us where you were on the ultrasound screen. "See that little star?" She pointed at a bright spot. "That is the embryo."

Well, star became spark, and spark became AllSpark. So thanks to your dad, you've now been named after "the spark of every Transformer who has ever lived, or ever will live". We've bonded with you already. Obviously ;)

If you decide to not stick around...I will be...I'm not quite sure. For now, I'm excited and happy that you've moved in. I hope you do stick around, Little One. Because I'm really looking forward to seeing you again. 

Love Mum x

32 Weeks - A future rugby player?

My 32 week scan was a little bit of a surprise...

The scan was done in the OB's office, so nothing too fancy. We couldn't really understand at all what we were looking at...everything just looks squashed. But we got the flimsy little print out as the photographic evidence.

But this was the scan where the OB gives you an estimate of the size of the baby. And our little chunky monkey was proudly sitting in the 90th percentile on the boof head scale - which means he's a whopper compared to other babies at 32wks. According to my pregnancy app, baby should have been around 1.8kg. Ours? 2.3kg.

Yep, I was growing a big, boof head, rugby player inside my unsuspecting uterus.

I thought I'd been quite small during my pregnancy, but had obviously hit some growth spurts after I reached 20 wks. I was a little stunned. The OB said we should be prepared for a possible early arrival and that he'll be carefully monitoring the baby's growth once I reach 38 weeks (if nothing has happened before then).

But you know what I thought was really scary? When I told my friend that the little boof head was estimated to be 2.3kg, she told me that was how much her baby weighed when he was born...at 37 wks. That's right. My baby was already the size of a 37 week old baby.

I have since discovered that a few friend's babies have weighed around 2.6 - 2.9kg...how much more is he going to grow?

Get this baby out now!

28 weeks

I'm embarking on the third and final trimester! I finally reached 28 weeks on the weekend!! 

There are certain stages of pregnancy that seem to just take forever. It seems likes ages since my last milestone, which was the 20 week scan. Well, I did  the Glucose challenge last week at 27 weeks, and my next Obstetrician appointment is next week...where I think I will be due for my 28/29 week ultrasound. But the most exciting thing is we're going to Max Brenner's afterwards...mmmm, rewarding chocolatey goodness.

I've still been really lucky throughout my pregnancy. I haven't had any complications that are worth complaining about. The baby has passed every milestone with flying colours. I'm steadily gaining weight. I guess the only complication I can complain about is the financial stress...but I know that will pass.

I'm starting to get a little bit more achey now, especially in the legs. Sometimes my belly feels really heavy, and I can feel a bit of ligament strain. Perhaps my most "weirdest" pain is situated right in the groin. It's this amazingly heavy pressure that feels like someone has kicked me in the crotch. I waddled into the living room and wailed, "I feel like I've been dry humping a concrete pillar!" After my husband picked himself up from the puddles of laughter, I waddled over to the couch and laid there whining a lot. Thankfully, it's not something that lasts for long. But it does come and go.

I'm also learning how to take it easy. It's a lot harder than I expected. It drives me crazy that I can't do all the things I would normally be able to do. I can't fit in half as much into my day as I used to. By the weekend, the only thing I look forward to, is a Sunday arvo nap. Yep, it's tough.

Handy IVF App: Menstrual Calendar

So I started using Menstrual Calendar a few months before I started my first IVF cycle in January 2012. The main purpose was to track my menstrual cycle to see how consistent it was, as well as predicting my ovulation times. I could also record other symptoms throughout the month to see if there were any recurring patterns. As you know, it didn't really help me to conceive, but it did keep a good record and proved invaluable during IVF.

I used the free version for a while, but soon paid for the upgrade so that I could customise the settings. It allowed me to customise what symptoms I wanted to record and what symbols I wanted to use to depict the symptoms on the calendar.

I found this handy with IVF because I recorded any notes I had that I might want to discuss with FS later, or if I just wasn't sure about something. Also, I recorded appointments and test results.

My Calendar

The picture above shows what my calendar view looks like. Because I upgraded the app, I've customised the icons and the background colour. I've added icons to show what medication I had taken, my appointments and tests as well as my body temperature. Really handy for a quick check of information. If you want a more detailed report, you can email the full cycle report to yourself or your doctor. Click here to see my cycle report.

Other apps which I have heard are good to use are:

Fertility Friend

Menstruation and Ovulation Calendar

Can you recommend any other apps?

20 weeks - It's a Boy!

20 week scan - little baby boy.

So we've had our 20 week scan and discovered the flavour of the baby is Blueberry!!

In a way, it's not really a surprise because both my husband and I come from families with lots of boys. I'm the only girl in a family of 3 boys. So, I had suspected that there would be a little boy sprout in there. However, my husband had convinced me that we could be having a girl. He had no real reason why, but he's had a good track record of predicting the sex of all his nephews and niece...so I was leaning towards a little girl. He had also already named her. As our surname begins with F, he wanted to name her Ivy...which, when you say her name with the initial, it says I-vy F (IVF). I thought it was funny at the time, but I actually grew accustomed to it. I even started picturing little Ivy and all the cute dresses I would be buying her.

But alas, 'tis a little boy for us. And we're happy.

Fetal movements
Earlier that morning of the ultrasound, I felt the baby partying around 4am. It was the first time hubby had felt him move. He couldn't believe how active he was and how strong the movements were. I had felt regular movement for a few days before that, but it was always hard to explain or for him to catch them. So little Blueberry kept partying until I fell back asleep around 5am.

The ultrasound
So, we went to get the ultrasound. I didn't have to have a full bladder, in fact they said for it not to be full, I just had to be well hydrated.  I wore my stretchy maternity pants and a button up shirt for easy ultrasound access.  The goop was spread over my belly, and we discovered that the little bean was tired from all the partying he'd done that morning and was sleeping in a ball facing down. This meant it was hard to see his face, so the nurse(?) kept poking and prodding my belly trying to get him to turn around. Nope. Not budging. I had to lie on my side. Still nothing. I coughed. Still nothing. Then she asked me to get up, hold my shirt up and shake my belly around to get him to move...stubborn little blighter, I think he curled into an even tighter ball! So stubborn!!

We didn't get the 4D (I'm not sure what the 4th dimension is) scan. It wasn't offered, they only do it if there's a diagnostic cause, like if there were physical deformities they needed to check. Our other option was to go to another non-medical company and pay $250 for 4D pictures, but as we can't claim that back on Medicare we decided to give it a miss. As it was, the ultrasound cost $250, but we at least got at least $100 back from Medicare, so it's not that bad.

16 weeks - First Movements!

16 weeks - X marks the spot of the ninja kick

Monday 28th May was my best friend's birthday. As I was awake before 7am, I sent her a birthday SMS, eager to be the first well-wisher for the day. As we exchanged messages, I felt something almost pop out my left side. I had heard that it should feel like bubbles or a fluttery feeling. So, I had kind of expected a delightful fizzy feeling, like champagne bubbles...but this felt like someone had popped a champagne cork in there. It was very distinctive.

I haven't felt any other movements since then, but it was very exciting to feel that. Sometimes I feel a rolling feeling inside my stomach, but I don't know if that's baby because it feels a bit high in my abdomen.

I've booked my 20 week scan in on Friday 22 June. It'll be so cool to see the little one again...and find out if it's a boy or a girl! it's only 3 weeks away now, it'll be here before I know it.

163 days to go.

13 weeks

13weeks 4days - no more jelly bean!

Well I got my appointment with my OB this week. They were really great to fit me in on such short notice. My OB seemed really friendly and informative and the nurse was great too! I had a whole list of questions to ask them, but of course they just went straight out the window when I got there. Thankfully, they pretty much answered everything I was wondering about anyway.

So onto the scan. This one was done on the belly (no internal scan, thank goodness!) I was worried that I hadn't drunk enough water and if I could go to the toilet beforehand, but turns out it wasn't an issue at all. Once the doctor put the scanning thingo on my belly,  I could actually recognise features of a little baby.  It wasn't a jelly bean anymore. We could see the face, arms and legs and a little round belly. And  I cannot describe how amazing it is to our little one moving around in there. It just didn't want to keep still at all, it was twisting and tumbling around! But the doctor was able to get a few good shots. It's hard to believe that all of that is going on inside, and I can't feel any of it at all.

You can also get the baby checked for their risk of developing Down Syndrome. The Nuchal Fold Test measures a fluid sac on the back of the neck for any chromosomal abnormality. While the doctor was able to measure it, he said that because the scan was left a bit late, the test wouldn't be as accurate.  He told us that the baby was within the safe range (less than 300? - not sure what that meant). We could have gone ahead for further testing, but he didn't see any reason for it. So we were happy with that.

The appointment went well. Baby was 79mm, which was the expected length at that time. The doctor explained a few of the horrors of childbirth and the expected procedures. He prefers to go with a natural childbirth, unless certain complications prevented it. He also said that because this was an IVF pregnancy, he would prefer to only let me go 1 week past the due date. This was because for some unknown reason, IVF pregnancies seem to present unexpected labour complications. OK, that's fair enough.

So, we were happy overall. Baby is coming along nicely. Phew! 27(ish) weeks to go.

7 week scan

Today I had my first pregnancy scan and hubby came in with me. It was an internal ultrasound. You can see the little "yolk" sack and the little embryo inside it on the bottom right. He measured it at 43mm and gave the estimated due date of 12 November (my iPhone app wasn't too far off!)

He also showed the heart beat! He pressed some buttons and the screen changed and the little Belly Bean pulsed with the heartbeat. It's little heart rate was 120-140 bpm. There wasn't any sound, so we couldn't listen to it, but WOW! It was really cool!

Afterwards, he told us that we need to visit our GP and get a referral to an obstetrician for the 12 week scan. We could be in Canberra by then! So if anyone can recommend a good obstetrician in the ACT, that would be fantastic.

He also wanted me to come in for one more scan in another 2 weeks. I've been booked in to see the ovary whisperer, so I'll look forward to that. She's really great with any questions you might have, so I'll make sure I'm prepared. Pregnancy ultrasounds don't start until after 8.30am, so I can have a little sleep in.

We were actually charged for this ultrasound ($85), which can be claimed back on Medicare. But I'm sure the other ultrasounds weren't charged? Maybe they were part of the IVF cost? Not sure.  

But at least we got to leave with little print outs of the ultra sound. It's real! Little Belly Bean :)

Day 26 - The Ovary Whisperer

Today I met the Ovary Whisperer. She...is...a...gem.

After my dismal results from the ultrasound yesterday, I wasn't feeling terribly optimistic this morning. I was told that my left side could have been difficult to see for whatever reason, so I wasn't looking forward to the ultrasound wand getting rammed around in there.

But the Ovary Whisperer came in smiling and instantly put me at ease. She showed me the screen and explained what she was looking for. And she was ever so gentle. She really romanced me before getting to third base. And everything she said was positive. She would rattle off some numbers to the other nurse and then quickly interpret them to me. So, my lining was good at 12mm. She said anything over 8mm is good. I had a number of follicles on my left and my right sides, and she was happy with their sizes. She told me to go home and tell my ovaries it was a job well done. She was an awesome ultrasound lady! I don't want to see anyone else for an ultrasound :)

I also met with a nurse coordinator today, who was equally helpful. I had the opportunity to ask her a few questions and get another Gonal-f kit. Questions are below.

How are Oestrogen levels related to the size of the follicle?
She explained to me that a smaller follicle will have a lower level of Estradiol (E2) and a larger follicle will have a higher level. So you want to aim for a level of at least 550 to get one nicely sized follicle. When my levels came back in my first blood test at 750, they were aiming to get it to around 1000. My second test results at 2900 were good, showing I was responsive to the drugs and that I had numerous follicles at a decent size. For a really good explanation of follicle sizes and Oestrogen levels click here (there is a good discussion on follicle sizes and E2 levels). The dangerously high levels of Oestrogen are when it approaches 12000, that's when you're at risk of Over HyperStimulation Syndrome (OHSS).

How many follicles should I be aiming for in an IVF cycle?
If you were to have only 1 or 2 good follicles, your cycle may be cancelled because  you may be wasting a lot of money for a low chance of success. They will usually aim for 5 or 6 follicles in a cycle, any more than that is a bonus. But the more follicles you have, the more chances of fertilisation, and the more embryos for further cycles.

What do I do with my used Gonal-f Kits?

Throw the empty Gonal-f Kits (including unused needles) in the bin. Take the sharps disposal container to any chemist or back to the fertility centre for disposal.

So now I wait for the FS to review all my results and tell me what my next step is.

UPDATE!

I got the phone call from the nurse today. My results were good. Four smaller ones on the left and seven bigger ones on the right. Thank the heavens!!

I have 2x16mm, 2x14mm, 2x12mm and 1x8mm on the right. The 4  follicles on the left range from 5 - 15mm. Apparently follicles grow 1-2mm per day, so I'll be going back in for another blood test and ultrasound in 2 days. Then more finger crossing.

Happy Valentines Day everybody!

Day 25 - Second Blood Test, First Ultra Sound

This morning I had my follow up blood test and my ultra sound to check how my little follicles were going. I was feeling pretty optimistic. I was sure my levels would have increased like they should have. Just had to wait and see.

My Fertility Specialist (FS) performed the ultra sound today and I can't say he was too gentle. It made me very squirmy and uncomfortable. The ultra sound didn't sound very promising. The FS asked me about my previous blood test results and said it didn't look very good as he could only find one follicle on my right ovary. There were none on my left. You would normally expect at least 4 or 5 good follicles in order to proceed with IVF, but this lonely little follicle wasn't really going to cut it. He started talking about cancelling the cycle and making another appointment to work out what the next course of action would be. But first he would wait for my second blood test results that afternoon before he made up his mind.

I was very brave when he first told me, but it quickly disappeared when I got in my car. I couldn't call my husband to tell him, I had to send him a text, and it still got the tears flowing. I had to make a detour to the coffee shop on the way to work, just to buy myself some time to collect myself. That was it. Over. Cancelled. Try again next month. I was gutted. I was facing another failure.

I really didn't want to answer the nurse's phone call during work that afternoon. But she wasn't delivering the bad news I was expecting. She told me my Estrogen levels had increased to 2900, which is definitely a good sign. I ducked into the empty meeting room so I could ask her a few more questions. Yes, 750 from last Friday was low, but those 750 alone still indicates that there could be at least 2 follicles there. And levels of 2900 indicates that there could be 2 or 3 decent sized follicles, or there could be 6 smaller follicles. That's why they need to do a scan, to check how many there are and how big they are. My husband and I joked that I must have one gigantic follicle growing on my right ovary. Not so funny if it actually turned out to be true though!

So I went from coasting along on optimism, plummeted down to the depths of despair and then shot up again to the dizzying heights of hope again. It's an exhausting ride.

Hopefully my ultrasound just works out OK tomorrow.