Dear AllSpark

We got to meet you today. For the first time. I was excited. Exhausted, a little anxious, but still excited. 

You were scheduled to be transferred back into my uterus as an embryo at 12.45pm.  Your dad and I took the day off work so we could meet you together. 

You were waiting for us at a new centre with a new specialist. You'd travelled a long way from the other side of the country to meet us here. But this centre is nice. And the specialist is lovely. I like her. 

We got to see you as an embryo on the screen. The embryologist pointed at the little dark shadow and said it was you. It looked like bubbles were breaking out the side. She said that was the embryo looking for something to stick to. 

Seeing you on screen was like seeing you make your grand entrance, walking down the stairs in slow motion, elegantly dressed and looking beautiful. I actually gasped. There you were! And I was the lucky mum to pick you up and continue your journey. 

The specialist placed you smack bang in the middle of my uterus and she showed us where you were on the ultrasound screen. "See that little star?" She pointed at a bright spot. "That is the embryo."

Well, star became spark, and spark became AllSpark. So thanks to your dad, you've now been named after "the spark of every Transformer who has ever lived, or ever will live". We've bonded with you already. Obviously ;)

If you decide to not stick around...I will be...I'm not quite sure. For now, I'm excited and happy that you've moved in. I hope you do stick around, Little One. Because I'm really looking forward to seeing you again. 

Love Mum x

Happy Transfer Anniversary!

A special post today. One year ago,  little Jnr C was transferred back inside after his little jaunt in the petrie dish. The embryologist described him as "beautiful". And we got to see him as a beautiful embryo on the screen before he was transferred back in. How strange! Not many people can claim to have seen their children as embryos!

I remember feeling so...uncertain, excited, overwhelmed...yet, giggly all the same. Stress does that to me. But, I remember it being a good day (despite some uncomfortable awkwardness). I had a lot of laughs. I remember seeing my doctor as I was leaving the clinic, and joking with him, "Yep, I feel pregnant already!"

I had no idea what was in store for me. And to my past self I say, "High five! Well done!!"

Definitely no regrets!!

8 week scan

My 2nd pregnancy scan - 8w2d

I have been extremely busy lately with our move to Canberra. I've been looking for rental properties that will accept my two big furr-babies (my gorgeous pups). And I've been trying to get our house ready to rent out to new tenants...it has it's stressful moments!

But of course, we still make time to go in for our next ultrasound (which you can see above). It measured 1.86cm. The doctor even pointed out it's head, but I couldn't tell at all what I was looking at. But otherwise, everything is going really well. 

Now my next step is to find an obstetrician, which you would normally do before you get to 10 weeks. However, finding one in Canberra when you still live in Perth is making things a little more difficult. I should be about 12 weeks when I arrive in Canberra, I'd hate to leave it too late! Eeek!

The Dreaded Two Week Wait (TWW)

Tomorrow I will be finding out the impending failure or success of this last cycle. I'm a bit nervous, but I'll be happy to find know either way. Things have been a bit crazy the last week. We found out we would be moving interstate for Mr.C's new job on the day of the transfer, which is extremely exciting for us. I also had an old school friend stay with me, so I haven't had much time to focus on the TWW. So, what have I been doing since transfer day?

Post transfer

I went straight back to work the next day. It's a boring office job, so I figured that would be okay. My spacehopper had receded, but it was still a sensitive area, so it forced me to take it easy over that weekend as well. Besides the constipation from the Crinone, I don't remember feeling any other side effects. Well, I did emotionally terrorise my husband with crying outbursts for one morning. But that's pretty much it.

It was great to catch up with my friend. We planned a whole day at the day spa. I had a massage, then we got our nails done. It was just what I needed. The masseuse said I was incredibly tense. I was also on a mission working out the logistics of moving our dogs interstate, one who is so big, they don't have a travel crate big enough to fit him! So that kept me occupied for a while.

And then a couple of days ago, things kind of quietened down, and I noticed some cramping and a little bit of stomach pain. That's when I hit the internet. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any definitive answers on what sort of symptoms you can expect after a transfer. What I really wanted to know was, will it be my normal cycle (30 days)? Or will it be shorter/longer because of meds? How do I know if I'm feeling pregnancy symptoms or Crinone symptoms? One thing I did discover was that a lot of the symptoms I felt really are Crinone side effects. The bloating, the nausea, light headedness, short of breath.

While I didn't find the answers to those specific questions, I did find some interesting information on what to do post transfer and during the TWW.

• Vaginal bleeding may occur before you are due for your pregnancy test. Although this is very disappointing, it does not always mean that treatment was unsuccessful. You should continue using the progesterone until there is a full period and/or the blood test results are known. At the same time, the progesterone itself may delay your period, and this does not necessarily mean that you are pregnant. (Click here for more info)
• Crinone should last you two weeks from EPU, and most women will not get their periods whilst taking Crinone during that time anyway.
• Don't do strenuous or aerobic activity for at least 48 hours after transfer. 
• No sexual intercourse for at least a week afterwards (I've found contradicting evidence on that one. Some centres say there is no harm at all, and some encourage it. The sooner the better!)
• Avoid overheating and try to avoid excessive rises in body temperature (eg. spas, saunas, hot baths, sunbathing)
• Just behave as though you are already pregnant to be safe.

So, it leaves me just waiting for my results tomorrow. I will be disappointed if it's a negative, but I've actually enjoyed learning so much more about the whole process. My husband is quite confident it will be positive, but I'm a bit more cautious. I've made plans for either way.

Day 35 - The Transfer

The whole Embryo Transfer went swimmingly. We were admitted at 8.45am, then were taken upstairs to theatre where Mr.C was given a gown, slippers and hair net. I got to keep my top on this time, stripped off waist down and popped on my surgical attire. The embryologist came to see us and told us that we had 2 beautiful embryos, and the rest just had to catch up a little bit more.

The procedure went well. The nurses were great. My husband was in the room with me. I was a little wary when they turned a monitor around for me to see, and I thought, "What on earth are they going to put on there? I don't want to see what's happening downstairs!" And then they showed us a picture of our embryo. The embryologist was right, it was beautiful! It looked perfect.

"The Spacehopper*"

Now, I did mention in my last post that I was suffering from an unwanted protrusion, which we have nicknamed "the spacehopper".  For those of you who need a bit of help with the interpretation, I've conveniently found a picture (left) for you. Thankfully it had receded, but it was still incredibly uncomfortable. When it came time to transfer the embryo, the doctor kept tapping my leg and saying "Relax! I can see you're all tensed up!" "I'm trying," I whimpered. Deep breaths.  I was trying so hard not to think about what the doctor could see down there. More deep breaths. Just look away and focus on something else... And then it was all over, and they wheeled me out to the recovery area where we watched the latest political developments of the Australian Labour Party. It was the best thing to make me sleepy and relaxed.

I rested for 30 minutes, changed back into my clothes and we were out the door by 10.30am. We decided to go out for a late breakfast while we waited for my acupuncture appointment at 12. We had a nice breakfast at the cafe in Kings Park, which was helping with the whole relaxing thing.

My acupuncturist asked how my transfer went, and I told him it was incredibly awkward, but the doctor was saying really positive things through the whole thing. I was told that acupuncture straight after transfer increases your chances from 40% to 60%. Relaxing is also key, so he was happy that I was going home to watch a movie that makes me giggly.

So we went home and watched Super Troopers, an old favourite. We also ate the endorphin kickers, my favourite, Cadbury Creme Eggs. The breakfast, the movie, the Creme Eggs and a hilarious phone call from a dear friend must have really increased the endorphin levels because we promptly fell asleep on the couch.



So, despite the Space Hopper, I actually had a very delightful day.

Our endorphin kickers

*Spacehopper image gratefully borrowed from http://www.absoluteastronomy.com/topics/Space_hopper

Day 34 - The Embryo Stage

I've called everyday since the egg pick up to check the progress of our little embryos, and they have been progressing really well for each day.

• Day 1: Yay! We have 5 eggs fertilised!
• Day 2: All 5 embies have reached 4 cell division. Good progress.
• Day 3: Some are advancing a little bit faster than others. We have different cell divisions at Grade 2, and one was breaking from the pack at an 8 cell compacting morula (stage before blastocyst stage)
• Day 4: Have a whole bunch of little compacting morulas. We won't know which one they will use or how many can be frozen until our transfer. The embryologist says that it's unusual to get 100% frozen. We can probably expect around 2 or 3 bubsicles.
• Day 5: Transfer day.
• Day 6: Call the embryologist to find out how many were actually frozen.

So my transfer is tomorrow morning. I have my acupuncture appointment an hour after the transfer. I'm feeling optimistic, but I'm also a little apprehensive too. You'll see why, keep reading.

My latest woes

This is where it gets incredibly personal. *Gross-out alert* I woke up this morning with a very sensitive rear exit. I didn't think it was too bad, but it got progressively worse throughout the day. And I realised that the bloated feeling and stomach pains from the drugs, lead to a bowel strike, which then lead to my rear entrails becoming my painful, hideously, swollen extrails. Can this get any more humiliating?

Well, of course I had to go to the chemist and discuss my southern outback problems with other pushy customers standing right behind me. No, please, I'm loving this attention, lets call in the shop owner from next door! Grrr....

I took home my miracle ointment and then realised I would have to go the double prod in both southern orifices tonight, the Crinone vaginal gel, and well, the other one...sigh...just kill me now. I'm feeling sorry for myself and very squidgy.

Dear God, please make this thing go down before tomorrow. Don't make me get on that table with unnatural protrusions. Amen.

Day 30 - Egg Pick Up

Day 30. Saturday. Egg Collection Day.

It worked out beautifully that it wasn't on a work day as I was dreading the whole "what convincing lie can I come up with to have a sick day". Plus my husband was able to come to the appointment without any fuss.

We arrived at 8.35am and we met the nurse where I filled out more forms and collected my Crinone gel. Crinone helps to prepare the uterus lining and is applied vaginally. I was hoping I wouldn't have to be prodding or jabbing myself anymore, but there you go. I was starving from having to fast and skip breakfast, and my stomach growled the whole way upstairs to theatre. Here's an interesting side note, I was told not wear perfume, deodorant or any smelly stuff, so I didn't even wash my hair. But I've since discovered that aerosol perfumes are not embryo friendly.

 Hubby waited for me while I went into my little change room to change into my gown, hairnet and booties. As I had a "rear-ventilated" gown, I was also given a modesty blanket, which was massive, and you could hear me giggling as I struggled to drape the blanket like a toga, dragging it down the corridor with my giant handbag and belongings in the other hand. Very dignified.

I sat in the chair next my husband and the embryologist came to see us. She briefly explained the process, how she would check for the eggs during the procedure, and we would know how many fertilised by the next day. Hubby was called away for the sample. And then the anaesthetist came to talk to me and I answered all the medical questions. Then at around 9.40am, I was whisked away to theatre where my Fertility Specialist was waiting.

I walked in and two nurses were there to help me with my gown. They asked me if I'd done this before and I said, "No, this is my first time." "Well, you're a virgin then!" And I said,"Yes, please be in gentle."  My Fertility Specialist commented on my difficult follicles, but I reassured him that I gave them a good pep talk and told them not to be scared of him. He he, good for a giggle.

There were about 5 people in theatre, and they were all bustling around me while I lay on the table. The Anaesthetist put the needle in my hand and I was off to sleepyland. I woke up in the recovery room at around 10.40am with an oxygen mask on my face, very drowsy, just wanted to sleep. They rang my husband to come and get me and then they wheeled me into a little cubicle with a TV. Now, when my husband arrived, I remember him clearly coming into the cubicle and we chatted about what he did for the last hour or two and what was on TV. My husbands version of events went a bit differently, apparently I stared blankly at him a lot and had trouble stringing words together. The nurses brought in a toasted sandwich and a cup of tea, and I was allowed to leave at around 11.40am. So we were probably there for 3 hours in total. The nurses told me that they collected 5 eggs.

I felt okay in the hospital laying down. Once I stood up, I started to feel a bit woozy, but still okay. But during the 45 minute car ride home, I felt like absolute rubbish. I felt terribly hung over, the car was too hot, then it was too cold. I got cold sweats and I could feel the toastie wanting to come back up again. At one point I grabbed my husband's hat and said I was going to throw up in it, but "Don't stop the car! I just want to get home!"

I put myself straight to bed when I got home and couldn't really bring myself to eat anything else. I slept most of the afternoon. Had a light tea, my antibiotic and then the Crinone before bed. I felt very crampy and sensitive around my abdomen and had two hot packs, but luckily was able to sleep it off.

The day after...
I woke up feeling quite good. I was less crampy but still sensitive. I still felt a little drowsy. I couldn't do much, I found that I had to rest after doing 30 minutes of housework. I had a few naps. 

I called the embryologist in the afternoon and found out all 5 eggs were fertilised. Woo hoo! Hubby was strutting around the house, so proud. That was a big relief. 

So now we wait for news on the Transfer Day. 

Day 26 - The Ovary Whisperer

Today I met the Ovary Whisperer. She...is...a...gem.

After my dismal results from the ultrasound yesterday, I wasn't feeling terribly optimistic this morning. I was told that my left side could have been difficult to see for whatever reason, so I wasn't looking forward to the ultrasound wand getting rammed around in there.

But the Ovary Whisperer came in smiling and instantly put me at ease. She showed me the screen and explained what she was looking for. And she was ever so gentle. She really romanced me before getting to third base. And everything she said was positive. She would rattle off some numbers to the other nurse and then quickly interpret them to me. So, my lining was good at 12mm. She said anything over 8mm is good. I had a number of follicles on my left and my right sides, and she was happy with their sizes. She told me to go home and tell my ovaries it was a job well done. She was an awesome ultrasound lady! I don't want to see anyone else for an ultrasound :)

I also met with a nurse coordinator today, who was equally helpful. I had the opportunity to ask her a few questions and get another Gonal-f kit. Questions are below.

How are Oestrogen levels related to the size of the follicle?
She explained to me that a smaller follicle will have a lower level of Estradiol (E2) and a larger follicle will have a higher level. So you want to aim for a level of at least 550 to get one nicely sized follicle. When my levels came back in my first blood test at 750, they were aiming to get it to around 1000. My second test results at 2900 were good, showing I was responsive to the drugs and that I had numerous follicles at a decent size. For a really good explanation of follicle sizes and Oestrogen levels click here (there is a good discussion on follicle sizes and E2 levels). The dangerously high levels of Oestrogen are when it approaches 12000, that's when you're at risk of Over HyperStimulation Syndrome (OHSS).

How many follicles should I be aiming for in an IVF cycle?
If you were to have only 1 or 2 good follicles, your cycle may be cancelled because  you may be wasting a lot of money for a low chance of success. They will usually aim for 5 or 6 follicles in a cycle, any more than that is a bonus. But the more follicles you have, the more chances of fertilisation, and the more embryos for further cycles.

What do I do with my used Gonal-f Kits?

Throw the empty Gonal-f Kits (including unused needles) in the bin. Take the sharps disposal container to any chemist or back to the fertility centre for disposal.

So now I wait for the FS to review all my results and tell me what my next step is.

UPDATE!

I got the phone call from the nurse today. My results were good. Four smaller ones on the left and seven bigger ones on the right. Thank the heavens!!

I have 2x16mm, 2x14mm, 2x12mm and 1x8mm on the right. The 4  follicles on the left range from 5 - 15mm. Apparently follicles grow 1-2mm per day, so I'll be going back in for another blood test and ultrasound in 2 days. Then more finger crossing.

Happy Valentines Day everybody!

Starting IVF

Today was my first appointment with the nurse coordinator at Concept Fertility Centre. I'm starting IVF. It's kind of exciting, but Oh-My-God it's daunting. The whole appointment went for an hour. She talked about cycles, hormones, procedures and drugs...and I got to leave with my "show bag" of drugs and permission forms.

I must have looked a little overwhelmed as all the information just washed straight over the top of my head, because the nurse had a little giggle at my blank cross-eyed stares.

So anyway, she described the procedures and what happens during egg collection and when they replace the egg (transfer it back inside). She explained all the different drugs I have to use: the nasal spray, the pills and the injections. She even had a demo pen that I could practice injecting myself with. And she briefly went through the cost (that sends a little shiver down your spine).

They normally start a cycle on day 21. As I'm already on day 22, I could be starting it today! I'm just waiting on my test result to see if my progesterone levels indicate if I've already ovulated. If I have ovulated, I can start spraying up my nose and get this cycle underway.

The Follow Up

Well my appointment with my doctor went as well as can be expected. It was Melbourne Cup Day. I had heels on and a flower in my hair, I was feeling pretty positive.

He sat across from me and studied my file very carefully, flicking questions to me absent-mindedly. He kind of muttered to himself that he had no idea why my cycle behaved like that on Femara. No answers at all. Then he put the folder away and just said, "What are we going to do with you?" That made me laugh. That is indeed the million dollar question.

And then he said,"The only option left is IVF."

And suddenly, there it was. It was kind of a relief in a way. Now I was actually forced to confront it, it didn't seem as intimidating as I had made it out to be. I was actually a little excited at the possibilities.

Time will tell.

Unlucky No.4...

Well, today should have been a prescribed turkey basting, but yesterday I went for my blood test and the nurse rang me back with some unexpected results. My estrogen levels had actually dropped instead of increasing, which is not what should be happening if you're on Femara. So they cancelled this cycle.

Weird.

Now I have to call back on Monday and book another appointment with my doctor. I guess the stars haven't aligned for me this month after all.

Round 2 begins

So, as I mentioned previously, we had decided to go back to Concept Fertility Centre, due to the dismal result I received with my attempts with naturopathy. At the time, I was hitting rock bottom.

I just could not get my head around the idea that we were both medically fit and healthy, and "there was no reason why we couldn't conceive." I sometimes wished that the doctor hadn't actually told us that. Sometimes it felt as though it would have been easier to deal with if I actually HAD a reason/cause that prevented me from having babies. At least that way, I could attack the situation and deal with it and get some bloody RESULTS!

But I digress, it was actually a phone call to my dad that helped get me back on track again. He was the one that suggested it could be a mental thing that was holding us back. This made a lot of sense to me. Physically we were fighting fit...but mentally? Perhaps I needed a bit of a work in that area.

So I did! I worked on refocusing my energy and changing my outlook. I really worked on viewing the possibility of IVF as resulting in a baby...and not a $20,000 debt. It changed me. Because that had always been my secret fear, not being able to cope with the financial stress and the repeated failures. Now, I have to focus on working towards a positive end result.

Like the doctor said, "there's no reason why you can't."