Frustrations in the Final Days: Part II

I'm now 40 weeks + 1 day. I am absolutely shattered because I only got 3 hrs sleep last night. My anxiety levels hit the roof and I just couldn't get comfortable....aargh! It's amazing how the hours just tick away and before you know it, it's the morning.

So I decided to refocus the day on relaxing. I think this will be the key to inducing labour and ending these frustrating last days. I sat in a bath with lavender bath salts and a face mask. It did wonders for decreasing those anxiety levels.

I tried to get a nap on the couch, but I think all the chocolate I ate prevented any zzzz's from happening.

I've also started to eat pineapple, which apparently helps to soften the cervix. Unfortunately I think you're supposed to eat about 7 a day for it to have any affect, but I'll start with half a pineapple for today.

So, day 1 in labour induction attempts? A relaxing, warm bath and pineapple.

Now, just cross my fingers before I go to bed.


*A SILLY UPDATE*
All my efforts did end up working that day as my waters broke that night and I went into labour!!

Frustrations in the Final Days: Part I

My husband has been home for 3 days now. He is officially on leave. Yeah, I was happy at first, but now I'm not so sure.

I hate making things about me (birthdays excluded), but I really feel that he should be spending these last days with me. It will be last time its just the two of us. I had envisioned us going out for breakfasts or going for walks. Instead I find myself competing with his mobile phone and some online game he plays.

To be honest, his obsession with his game gives me the shits. It's the first thing he does when he wakes up. It's the last thing he does when he goes to sleep. If I ask him to do something he will always take breaks to check his game. This morning he was cuddling me with one arm and messaging other players with his free hand.

He is quite happy to sit in the lounge with the TV on all day (not necessarily watching it) and play on his mobile. If I want to spend time with him, I get to sit on the couch next to him and watch the same crappy TV, while he...plays on his mobile.

It's down to the last days of my pregnancy, and we've been getting a lot of advice to have lots of sex to induce labour. I mean the whole process is physically awkward for me, but I'd give it a good crack. But after a whole day of being ignored, it gets to the point where I'd rather clean the house than participate in any other activities with him. By the end of the day I just sneak off to bed, because I have nothing left to say to him.

Lets face it, if I'm going to spend the day by myself, he may as well go back to work.

The pram saga continues...

So we had decided on hiring the capsule and the pram. After our last appointment with the OB, hubby decided it may be best if we bring the hire date forward in case the (not so) little one came early. I felt that was a fair call.

Now, besides our initial phone call, I had received no further contact or confirmation from them at all. No letter or email to confirm my booking, just a reassurance that they would contact me a week before my booked date. So I felt it was best to send them an email at this point to start getting everything in writing (that's my admin side of my coming out!)

My email detailed my booking and asked questions like; "Will you install it on the day?" "Do you need extension straps for a station wagon?" "Does it come with rain cover?" etc. etc. I included my contact details so they could call me back and we could have a proper discussion.

I received a reply that simply said, "And again, one which might be better off with a phone call…."

I was stunned to say the least. I spiralled out of control and drowned my sorrows in a packet of M&Ms and Kettle Chips. I had no more energy to invest in this drama. There was no way I was dealing with them anymore if that was the response I was going to get from them. I felt pretty crap...defeated.

After a few days of mulling it over, I told hubby that we wouldn't be hiring anymore. When I explained to him what had happened...well, let's just say that they were lucky they weren't dealing with him. He can be quite intimidating when he has his angry eyes on, but much worse when he opens his mouth.

Hubby and I headed to Baby Bunting a few weeks later, and I showed him the pram I had my eye on. It's a Steelcraft Agile travel system. I was fixated on getting a pram that was lightweight, could fold easily and worked with a capsule. He chose the colour - Forest Green. 

It's at home now, waiting for the new arrival. It folds pretty small and is so light! I'm so happy it's the end of that saga.

32 Weeks - A future rugby player?

My 32 week scan was a little bit of a surprise...

The scan was done in the OB's office, so nothing too fancy. We couldn't really understand at all what we were looking at...everything just looks squashed. But we got the flimsy little print out as the photographic evidence.

But this was the scan where the OB gives you an estimate of the size of the baby. And our little chunky monkey was proudly sitting in the 90th percentile on the boof head scale - which means he's a whopper compared to other babies at 32wks. According to my pregnancy app, baby should have been around 1.8kg. Ours? 2.3kg.

Yep, I was growing a big, boof head, rugby player inside my unsuspecting uterus.

I thought I'd been quite small during my pregnancy, but had obviously hit some growth spurts after I reached 20 wks. I was a little stunned. The OB said we should be prepared for a possible early arrival and that he'll be carefully monitoring the baby's growth once I reach 38 weeks (if nothing has happened before then).

But you know what I thought was really scary? When I told my friend that the little boof head was estimated to be 2.3kg, she told me that was how much her baby weighed when he was born...at 37 wks. That's right. My baby was already the size of a 37 week old baby.

I have since discovered that a few friend's babies have weighed around 2.6 - 2.9kg...how much more is he going to grow?

Get this baby out now!

31 weeks - The showering of gifts!

I drove up to Sydney for my baby shower which my friends had so generously organised for me. It was so well done and I left there feeling so loved and felt that I had the luckiest little baby in the world to have so many people who loved him too. It was such a delight to not have to worry about anything but turning up, and spending the weekend with so many loved ones.

I drove home with a car boot full of gifts and purchases (I did some shopping at IKEA while I was there of course) Poor hubby had to make a few trips to the car and back to bring everything inside.

All the food was made from scratch. Even the bunting and decorations were hand made. You'll see from my pics all the love they all put into it :)

Thank you guys!

28 weeks

I'm embarking on the third and final trimester! I finally reached 28 weeks on the weekend!! 

There are certain stages of pregnancy that seem to just take forever. It seems likes ages since my last milestone, which was the 20 week scan. Well, I did  the Glucose challenge last week at 27 weeks, and my next Obstetrician appointment is next week...where I think I will be due for my 28/29 week ultrasound. But the most exciting thing is we're going to Max Brenner's afterwards...mmmm, rewarding chocolatey goodness.

I've still been really lucky throughout my pregnancy. I haven't had any complications that are worth complaining about. The baby has passed every milestone with flying colours. I'm steadily gaining weight. I guess the only complication I can complain about is the financial stress...but I know that will pass.

I'm starting to get a little bit more achey now, especially in the legs. Sometimes my belly feels really heavy, and I can feel a bit of ligament strain. Perhaps my most "weirdest" pain is situated right in the groin. It's this amazingly heavy pressure that feels like someone has kicked me in the crotch. I waddled into the living room and wailed, "I feel like I've been dry humping a concrete pillar!" After my husband picked himself up from the puddles of laughter, I waddled over to the couch and laid there whining a lot. Thankfully, it's not something that lasts for long. But it does come and go.

I'm also learning how to take it easy. It's a lot harder than I expected. It drives me crazy that I can't do all the things I would normally be able to do. I can't fit in half as much into my day as I used to. By the weekend, the only thing I look forward to, is a Sunday arvo nap. Yep, it's tough.

The Fertiles vs the Unfortunates

I have three stories about fertility. These stories are about three girls who all grew up together and have known each other their whole lives.

The first girl met a boy who was absolutely smitten with her and was already talking about having children with her. Even though she wasn't as keen, she had tests done because she was concerned about her health and whether she was able to have children. Her tests revealed that she would in fact have trouble conceiving, partly due to her obesity and some uterine issues. This didn't bother her at the time, as she was still in her early 20s...and she was later to go on to have two healthy babies with the man she eventually married.

The second girl married the man of her dreams in her mid 20s and had a number of health issues, one of them being endometriosis. Straight away there was concern for them conceiving. So they immediately started trying. And they successfully conceived within 4 months!

The third girl met a boy in her late teens and married in their late 20s with the plan of starting a family soon after. They were both happy and healthy, neither of them having any major health issues their whole lives. In fact, they had very boring medical histories....very uneventful!  Both came from big families...surely they were natural "breeders". Yet, they struggled to conceive for years.

I'm sure you've guessed by now that the last girl is me. I was a natural "breeder" from a big family. My cousins were breeders and started having children in their teens. It's a natural assumption that I would have no problems getting pregnant. I never had weight issues or irregular periods.

I used to be a "Fertile". Or so I thought.  Unknowingly, I was in fact an "Unfortunate". Infertility does not discriminate. It can strike anyone, including people you would least expect, like me.

I used to work with a guy who was a similar age to me. His wife was pregnant, but I had no idea at the time what they had gone through to get to that stage. When I found out they conceived through IVF, I'll admit that my immediate thought was that he was shooting blanks. Surely, that's the only cause of infertility? I mean, how narrow minded was I? Well now that I'm on the other side of the fence, I know that I'm faced with the same sort of response. Fertiles will just never understand because infertility isn't really something that is discussed. Oh, don't get me wrong, EVERYONE knows SOMEONE who has struggled to conceive (you have no idea how many people have told me these stories), but they will just never understand what any Unfortunate goes through.

Well, it sucks being an Unfortunate. It's just bloody unfair. It's a bloody struggle to achieve a pregnancy and it still affects you afterwards. Even though I have been incredibly lucky with a successful IVF cycle first go, the legacy of infertility continues to lurk there in the recesses of my mind. It holds me back (just that little bit) from investing too much of myself in the pregnancy or the birth. It took me months to accept that this was finally happening, because my mind just became trained to accept dissapointment. So I've always been a bit reserved during this pregnancy, knowing that anything could go wrong at any time. It feels like a reeeally long and tiring battle to the finish line. As I get closer to the finish line, everything becomes more real and I get a little bit more excited about future plans.

Sigh...I know getting over the finish line will be amazing and we can finally start the next chapter of our lives with our new little family. But the fight to get there will never be forgotten.

The Great Pram Debacle

The bad luck charm on 3 wheels
(not our actual pram, but same model)

OK, so a long time ago, we were given a pram...

We were still in our first year of marriage and just starting our journey of (mis)conception. We were given a pram, a stroller and a car seat from my husband's mother. They were used by her partner's daughter back in 2004(?).  I wasn't overly pleased with the kind donation because it represented all the pressure from the in-laws to get on the reproduction wagon, and I found it quite invasive. But we kept them in the back shed for years, gathering dust, mice poo and snail trails.

At the beginning of this year, I convinced my husband to get rid of the car seat as mice had found some forgotten crumbs under the seat lining and eaten the stuffing under the seat. I was also concerned that it didn't meet current Australian Safety Standards. But I had this weird thing that it was like a bad luck charm because of the all the expectations it represented. And what do you know? Two weeks after we threw it in the bin, I found out I was pregnant. A coincidence? :)

But we still held on to the pram and stroller.

I don't have a problem with the stroller. It's easy to fold. It's light and it's simple to use. But the pram is heavy (more than 12kg), incredibly bulky and doesn't lock when it's folded down. It also isn't reversible, which is something I really wanted so the baby could face me when it was very young. The tyres were also flat.

I hated this pram!

I loathed the idea of having to lug this thing around to do the shopping or go out for coffee. Or even pushing it around the shops. I gave my husband an ultimatum, that he clean the mice poo and snail trails and fix the tyres, or I would just go out and buy a pram to suit myself.

Well, to his credit, he did just that. So now I have to eat my words and we're keeping the pram.

I have, however, booked a pram and capsule combination for hire. It's a Babylove Snap n Go Capsule and Aurora pram and it costs $200 to hire for 6 months. This will give us time to work out if the free pram is actually worth keeping. It also gives us time to work out what kind of long term pram/stroller we would need, if we do end up buying one.

After all the research I did on prams, I'm happy with this option. If we bought that option at retail it would be more than $400, and we could quite possibly want to get rid of it after 6 months to find something  more suitable anyway. Capsules are just ridiculously expensive!



All images used in this post are not my own. They have been taken from a google image search. Please contact me if you want them to be removed.

Handy IVF App: Menstrual Calendar

So I started using Menstrual Calendar a few months before I started my first IVF cycle in January 2012. The main purpose was to track my menstrual cycle to see how consistent it was, as well as predicting my ovulation times. I could also record other symptoms throughout the month to see if there were any recurring patterns. As you know, it didn't really help me to conceive, but it did keep a good record and proved invaluable during IVF.

I used the free version for a while, but soon paid for the upgrade so that I could customise the settings. It allowed me to customise what symptoms I wanted to record and what symbols I wanted to use to depict the symptoms on the calendar.

I found this handy with IVF because I recorded any notes I had that I might want to discuss with FS later, or if I just wasn't sure about something. Also, I recorded appointments and test results.

My Calendar

The picture above shows what my calendar view looks like. Because I upgraded the app, I've customised the icons and the background colour. I've added icons to show what medication I had taken, my appointments and tests as well as my body temperature. Really handy for a quick check of information. If you want a more detailed report, you can email the full cycle report to yourself or your doctor. Click here to see my cycle report.

Other apps which I have heard are good to use are:

Fertility Friend

Menstruation and Ovulation Calendar

Can you recommend any other apps?

Choosing the all important pram

A few years ago, we were given a pram, which I'm not convinced is very useful to me. So I'm beginning the intimidating task of researching prams. There are so many brands with so many features, but more importantly, they're so expensive! So, it's not a decision I want to make lightly.

Here are some suggestions to help you with your pram choice.

Get some practical advice.

Talk to your friends or family who have recently had babies and ask them what they found useful and the purchases they regret. They are always helpful with advice for buying prams and what to look for in a pram.

Now, what next?
Start doing some research on the internet. Check out forums and product reviews. Try this website, it has a little selection guide where you can select the features that you're looking for in a pram. It then shows you the results with a table of features and the prices.

Also, check out pram tips, it helps you define what you need in a pram which then helps you decide on which features are most important to you and which features you don't need.

Prams can range from budget ($200 - $400), mid range ($600-$800) or razzle dazzle ( >$1000). One piece of advice I've taken on is, don't be fooled by the brand or price tag. Just because it looks fancy doesn't mean it has the features you need, and you may be paying more for features you don't want.

Once you've kind of worked out what you need in a pram, go into a store and ask the sales assistant to show you prams that meet your requirements and what features you think you need most. She'll give you invaluable advice and comparisons that websites can't really offer, like wheel traction and demonstrating how to collapse and open the frames. Simple things like that can make your decision in a snap.


How do I work this out?
OK, so I went to Baby Bunting yesterday, and the sales assistant was absolutely brilliant. Make sure you ask the assistant to demonstrate how to use the features, like swapping bassinets and seats, how to use the brakes, collapsing and opening the pram.

She gave me a lot to think about, so I've been researching pram brands all night. I created my own comparison table and used a grading system. I was able to determine which features were most important, which changed dramatically from what I initially wanted.

1. Budget - less than $800
2. Lightweight - less than 10kg, easy to lift in and out of car. Look for aluminium frames, not steel.
3. Suitable from birth
4. Reversible Seat - important for when bubs is very young.
5. Travel system compatible - Just clip the capsule from car to pram, not waking sleeping baby.
6. All terrain - to be used for walks around the neighbourhood and shopping centres
7. Compact when folded, small enough for shopping centres.

I'm ready to buy, now what?
Don't forget that you could be lucky enough to find a second hand pram on eBay or gumtree. I've found a couple of prams (good brands) that were only 3-6 months old, but they were a bit too far to pick up. If the price is really good, it may be worth organising a courier to pick it up for you.

Otherwise, find a good baby store like Baby Bunting and take advantage of their lay-by system, which is a massive bonus as you don't have to pay upfront like on the internet.

Will keep you posted on the pram purchase...

My IVF Cycle Report

I had downloaded an App called Menstrual Calendar after 2 years of trying to conceive. It helped me keep track of my menstruation cycle and predict my ovulation times.

One of the great features of this App (which I found invaluable during IVF) is that it records all your appointments, medications, weight, temperature, tests and any notes you might add. You can email yourself (or your doctor) a report that lists everything for each day of the month.

Below is an example of my "report".  If you can be bothered reading through the whole thing, it shows a good summary of the drugs that I was taking, how long I was taking them for and any relating symptoms as well as my test results. Well,  it's interesting for me to read it back anyway.

3/02/12 - Day 1 of cycle

• Notes : Period kind of started today. But it is really light and sporadic. It kind of started yesterday but it was more like spotting. Not sure if it's because of the Synarel? I've been taking it for over a week?
• Medications : Synarel
• Menstruation : Light

4/02/12 - Day 2 of cycle

• Notes : Start Gonal-f at 150
• Medications : Synarel, Gonal-f
• Menstruation : Moderate

5/02/12 - Day 3 of cycle

• Medications : Synarel, Gonal-f
• Menstruation : Light

6/02/12 - Day 4 of cycle

• Spotting / bleeding : Low
• Medications : Synarel, Gonal-f

7/02/12 - Day 5 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.33
• Weight : 73.7 kg
• Spotting / bleeding : Low
• Abdominal cramps : Low
• Medications : Synarel, Gonal-f

8/02/12 - Day 6 of cycle

• Medications : Synarel, Gonal-f
• Medical appointments : Acupuncture

9/02/12 - Day 7 of cycle

• Weight : 72.9 kg
• Intercourse : Unprotected
• Medications : Synarel, Gonal-f

10/02/12 - Day 8 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.15
• Notes : Blood test today. Levels at 750. Increase Gonal-f to 187.5.
• Medications : Synarel, Gonal-f
• Medical appointments : Blood test

11/02/12 - Day 9 of cycle

• Notes : Saw the counsellor today. Was a bit of an eye-opener...
• Medications : Synarel, Gonal-f

12/02/12 - Day 10 of cycle

• Intercourse : Unprotected
• Medications : Synarel, Gonal-f

13/02/12 - Day 11 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.15
• Notes : Blood test and Ultrasound today. Scan showed 1 follicle in the right and none in the left. Blood Test showed E levels increased to 2900 which indicates 2 or 3 large follicles (or possibly 6 smaller follicles). Even 750 levels from Friday indicate more than 1 follicle. 1 follicle would show levels of at least 500. Weird.
• Abdominal cramps : Low
• Medications : Synarel, Gonal-f
• Medical appointments : Blood test, Ultrasound

14/02/12 - Day 12 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.07
• Notes : Ultrasound - 11 follicles found!
• Abdominal cramps : Low
• Medications : Synarel, Gonal-f
• Medical appointments : Ultrasound

15/02/12 - Day 13 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.21
• Weight : 74.1
• Medications : Synarel, Gonal-f

16/02/12 - Day 14 of cycle

• Notes : Trigger shot at 9.45pm. Stop synarel and Gonal-f. Lining 12mm
• Medications : Ovidrel
• Medical appointments : Acupuncture, Blood test, Ultrasound

18/02/12 - Day 16 of cycle

• Temperature : 35.84
• Notes : EPU @ 9.45am. Be at clinic at 8.45am. Start Crinone tonight.
• Spotting / bleeding : Low
• Abdominal cramps : Medium
• Medications : Crinone
• Medical appointments : EPU Egg pick up

19/02/12 - Day 17 of cycle

• Notes : 5 out 5 eggs fertilised! Woo hoo!
• Bloating : Low
• Abdominal cramps : Low
• Muscle / joint pain : Low
• Medications : Crinone

20/02/12 - Day 18 of cycle

• Notes : Embryos have reached 4 cell stage. Will be having 5 day transfer on Thursday.
• Bloating : Low
• Abdominal cramps : Low
• Muscle / joint pain : Low
• Medications : Crinone

21/02/12 - Day 19 of cycle

• Weight : 73.8
• Notes : Ow! Sharp pain in my right ovary!
• Abdominal cramps : Low
• Medications : Crinone

22/02/12 - Day 20 of cycle

• Medications : Crinone

23/02/12 - Day 21 of cycle

• Medications : Crinone
• Medical appointments : ET Embryo Transfer

24/02/12 - Day 22 of cycle

• Medications : Crinone

25/02/12 - Day 23 of cycle

• Medications : Crinone

26/02/12 - Day 24 of cycle

• Notes : Foolin around woo hoo
• Medications : Crinone

27/02/12 - Day 25 of cycle

• Medications : Crinone

28/02/12 - Day 26 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.7
• Medications : Crinone

29/02/12 - Day 27 of cycle

• Weight : 72.9
• Notes : Bit crampy today. Could be PMS?
• Medications : Crinone

1/03/12 - Day 28 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.84
• Weight : 72.5
• Notes : Had apple strudel with cream, feeling a bit nauseous. Had a very heavy crampy feeling down low this morning and once last night. Skin looking good. 1.45pm: I'm either very hungry or feeling sick. It feels like its sitting at the top of my stomach. Gonna go eat now. 6.30pm: Feeling a bit breathless when walking the dogs. 9.44pm: Now I have a sharp crampy pain along my right side. Almost radiating from my ovary.
• Medications : Crinone

2/03/12 - Day 29 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.83
• Notes : 2.30pm: That sick feeling at the top of my stomach again! All my symptoms are Crinone side effects. Have been getting white rubbery discharge...ew!
• Medications : Crinone
• Medical appointments : Acupuncture

3/03/12 - Day 30 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.74
• Notes : Took temp a bit late, after I went to the toilet and went back to bed. Got my BFP Today!!
• Intercourse : Unprotected
• Pregnancy test : Positive
• Medications : Crinone
• Medical appointments : Blood test

4/03/12 - Day 31 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.86
• Notes : Very bloaty and gassy today. Short of breath.
• Intercourse : Unprotected
• Medications : Crinone

5/03/12 - Day 32 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.72
• Notes : Feeling really bloaty today. Actually have stomach pain. It feels really full and tight at the top of my stomach. So constipated. Will try pear juice. Incredibly itchy left boob. Ow!
• Medications : Crinone

6/03/12 - Day 33 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.86
• Notes : Symptoms not too bad today. Still very bloaty. Incredibly itchy boobs.
• Medications : Crinone

7/03/12 - Day 34 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.68
• Notes : So bloated. Heavy feeling at top of stomach. Breathing hard. Drank prune and pear juice. So full. Uncomfortable. Frightened I might mess my pants. Need to pee all the time and straight away!!
• Medications : Crinone

8/03/12 - Day 35 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.68
• Notes : Not so crampy or bloaty today. Still no period. Consistent temperature confirms the BFP...
• Medications : Crinone
• Medical appointments : Acupuncture

9/03/12 - Day 36 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.81
• Weight : 72.5
• Notes : A bit crampy tonight. It feels low. 
• Medications : Crinone

10/03/12 - Day 37 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.66
• Intercourse : Unprotected
• Medications : Crinone
• Medical appointments : Blood test

11/03/12 - Day 38 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.7
• Intercourse : Unprotected
• Medications : Crinone

12/03/12 - Day 39 of cycle

• Medications : Crinone

13/03/12 - Day 40 of cycle

• Intercourse : Unprotected
• Medications : Crinone

14/03/12 - Day 41 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.74
• Medications : Crinone

15/03/12 - Day 42 of cycle

• Temperature : 36.84
• Medications : Crinone

16/03/12 - Day 43 of cycle

• Medications : Crinone

17/03/12 - Day 44 of cycle

• Notes : HCG level @ 16978, progesterone @ 680. Everything normal.
• Medications : Crinone
• Medical appointments : Blood test

18/03/12 - Day 45 of cycle

• Medications : Crinone

19/03/12 - Day 46 of cycle

• Weight : 71.7
• Medical appointments : Ultrasound

20/03/12 - Day 47 of cycle

• Medications : Crinone

21/03/12 - Day 48 of cycle

• Medical appointments : Acupuncture

22/03/12 - Day 49 of cycle

• Medications : Crinone

24/03/12 - Day 51 of cycle

• Medications : Crinone

31/03/12 - Day 58 of cycle

• Intercourse : Unprotected

1/04/12 - Day 59 of cycle

• Intercourse : Unprotected

2/04/12 - Day 60 of cycle

• Medical appointments : Ultrasound

20 weeks - It's a Boy!

20 week scan - little baby boy.

So we've had our 20 week scan and discovered the flavour of the baby is Blueberry!!

In a way, it's not really a surprise because both my husband and I come from families with lots of boys. I'm the only girl in a family of 3 boys. So, I had suspected that there would be a little boy sprout in there. However, my husband had convinced me that we could be having a girl. He had no real reason why, but he's had a good track record of predicting the sex of all his nephews and niece...so I was leaning towards a little girl. He had also already named her. As our surname begins with F, he wanted to name her Ivy...which, when you say her name with the initial, it says I-vy F (IVF). I thought it was funny at the time, but I actually grew accustomed to it. I even started picturing little Ivy and all the cute dresses I would be buying her.

But alas, 'tis a little boy for us. And we're happy.

Fetal movements
Earlier that morning of the ultrasound, I felt the baby partying around 4am. It was the first time hubby had felt him move. He couldn't believe how active he was and how strong the movements were. I had felt regular movement for a few days before that, but it was always hard to explain or for him to catch them. So little Blueberry kept partying until I fell back asleep around 5am.

The ultrasound
So, we went to get the ultrasound. I didn't have to have a full bladder, in fact they said for it not to be full, I just had to be well hydrated.  I wore my stretchy maternity pants and a button up shirt for easy ultrasound access.  The goop was spread over my belly, and we discovered that the little bean was tired from all the partying he'd done that morning and was sleeping in a ball facing down. This meant it was hard to see his face, so the nurse(?) kept poking and prodding my belly trying to get him to turn around. Nope. Not budging. I had to lie on my side. Still nothing. I coughed. Still nothing. Then she asked me to get up, hold my shirt up and shake my belly around to get him to move...stubborn little blighter, I think he curled into an even tighter ball! So stubborn!!

We didn't get the 4D (I'm not sure what the 4th dimension is) scan. It wasn't offered, they only do it if there's a diagnostic cause, like if there were physical deformities they needed to check. Our other option was to go to another non-medical company and pay $250 for 4D pictures, but as we can't claim that back on Medicare we decided to give it a miss. As it was, the ultrasound cost $250, but we at least got at least $100 back from Medicare, so it's not that bad.

16 weeks - First Movements!

16 weeks - X marks the spot of the ninja kick

Monday 28th May was my best friend's birthday. As I was awake before 7am, I sent her a birthday SMS, eager to be the first well-wisher for the day. As we exchanged messages, I felt something almost pop out my left side. I had heard that it should feel like bubbles or a fluttery feeling. So, I had kind of expected a delightful fizzy feeling, like champagne bubbles...but this felt like someone had popped a champagne cork in there. It was very distinctive.

I haven't felt any other movements since then, but it was very exciting to feel that. Sometimes I feel a rolling feeling inside my stomach, but I don't know if that's baby because it feels a bit high in my abdomen.

I've booked my 20 week scan in on Friday 22 June. It'll be so cool to see the little one again...and find out if it's a boy or a girl! it's only 3 weeks away now, it'll be here before I know it.

163 days to go.

15 weeks

Body Changes
15 weeks and everything seems to be going well. Baby seems to be growing, as I'm forming a nice little bump. I notice it more when I wake up in the morning, I can feel a little lump in my lower abdomen. But throughout the day my bump just becomes a fat belly filled with gas and an abundance of food that moves sluggishly through my digestive system...(shudder). So far I've only gained 2kg, surely most of that was from last week alone...sooo many Tim Tams!

My boobs have gotten bigger and my nipples are massive! My areolas have pretty much taken over my whole boob. They've also gotten darker, and apparently your clitoris gets darker too (but I haven't checked that out).

I have also started to get a snail trail, which I'm strangely proud of. I'm not a very hairy person, so it's hardly impressive. But there are definitely a few extra hairs there. It's like an extra stripe I've earnt.

Linea Negra
Ooh! My mother-in-law bought me a pregnancy magazine and I noticed in some of the photos of pregnant bellies, they had a dark line running down from their belly buttons. I noticed last week there was the faintest line down my belly. Another stripe earnt.

Your moving uterus
This week I've been feeling some sharp pains right inside my hip bones, which I was a bit worried about. But apparently it's only because my uterus has packed up, headed north and is now moving up towards my navel. This has caused my ligaments to stretch, causing sharp twanging pains. Phew! No need to call the doctor yet.

Mood changes
Something strange has been happening over the last couple of weeks. I've noticed my levels of rage have steadily increased and my level of patience has gone in the opposite direction. I called a young lad "a little shit" at the movies the other week, because he didn't put his empty popcorn cup in the bin. I have since been reassured that getting a bit "shirty" during pregnancy is to be expected.

Pregnancy. It's a magical time.

171 days to go.

13 weeks

13weeks 4days - no more jelly bean!

Well I got my appointment with my OB this week. They were really great to fit me in on such short notice. My OB seemed really friendly and informative and the nurse was great too! I had a whole list of questions to ask them, but of course they just went straight out the window when I got there. Thankfully, they pretty much answered everything I was wondering about anyway.

So onto the scan. This one was done on the belly (no internal scan, thank goodness!) I was worried that I hadn't drunk enough water and if I could go to the toilet beforehand, but turns out it wasn't an issue at all. Once the doctor put the scanning thingo on my belly,  I could actually recognise features of a little baby.  It wasn't a jelly bean anymore. We could see the face, arms and legs and a little round belly. And  I cannot describe how amazing it is to our little one moving around in there. It just didn't want to keep still at all, it was twisting and tumbling around! But the doctor was able to get a few good shots. It's hard to believe that all of that is going on inside, and I can't feel any of it at all.

You can also get the baby checked for their risk of developing Down Syndrome. The Nuchal Fold Test measures a fluid sac on the back of the neck for any chromosomal abnormality. While the doctor was able to measure it, he said that because the scan was left a bit late, the test wouldn't be as accurate.  He told us that the baby was within the safe range (less than 300? - not sure what that meant). We could have gone ahead for further testing, but he didn't see any reason for it. So we were happy with that.

The appointment went well. Baby was 79mm, which was the expected length at that time. The doctor explained a few of the horrors of childbirth and the expected procedures. He prefers to go with a natural childbirth, unless certain complications prevented it. He also said that because this was an IVF pregnancy, he would prefer to only let me go 1 week past the due date. This was because for some unknown reason, IVF pregnancies seem to present unexpected labour complications. OK, that's fair enough.

So, we were happy overall. Baby is coming along nicely. Phew! 27(ish) weeks to go.

12 weeks

Just a quick post.

I'm coming to the end of my 12th week. Life has been super crazy organising our move to Canberra and finishing work. I've just driven to Canberra from Perth for 5 days. I've never felt so wasted in my life! I've found a GP down the road from my new house and I have my referral to see an Obstetrician. Now, I just need to get an appointment to see him. 

It was a bit of a pain moving when I was 12 weeks, but there wasn't really much I could do about finding a hospital or an OB from Perth. My Perth GP just told me to wait until I got here. 

As my screening blood tests had already been done for IVF, I will just get tested for diabetes on a fasting blood test on Monday. And hopefully I can get an appointment with my OB next week! They have to do a bit of squeezing to fit in a time to see me, as I should really have booked my appointment 2 or 3 weeks ago. But there wasn't much else I could do!

Otherwise, my belly is slowly growing. I had to buy my first pair of maternity jeans the other week. It was an emergency purchase during my lunch break as the jeans I was wearing were getting uncomfortably tight. It still just feels like a fat belly at the moment though. My husband was a little disappointed it wasn't bigger when he saw me for the first time in 3 weeks. I may have been going on a bit about how huge I was getting. Well, it's reassuring that I'm still a modest size for now.

There'll be more to write soon. Stay tuned.

A letter from my past self

A few years ago, I found a website where you can write an email and send it to yourself in the future. I only do it occasionally and I usually send them for special occasions. Well, today is my 5th wedding anniversary and I received a delightful letter from my past self (see below).

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed 11 months and 29 days ago, on April 09, 2011. It is being delivered from the past through FutureMe.org

Dear Future Me,

I just received a letter from myself this morning, and I've sent a future letter to our husband. Hopefully you two are still awesome together, maybe with a baby on the way. He'll be getting his letter tomorrow.

I've been at our new job for almost 9 months now. I'm starting to really get to know everyone now. K has just started with the team. There's still the smallest part of me that feels left out because I don't know anything about cars. I don't get to travel anywhere, and you know I'd LOVE to do that! But overall, I'm quite happy there. The work isn't challenging, it's easy and it fits into my routine.

I've just applied to work with ASIO, which will mean moving back over east...woo hoo! And B has tempted me into applying for City of Perth. Gotta update that portfolio!

I've just told our husband that something good will come out of April. You already know if it did or not (I'm terribly jealous). 

I'm not that worried about getting pregnant anymore, but I do sometimes think when will it be too late? When do I give up? When will I finish trying everything? I might have to go back down the path of IVF this year. I'll have to get my hormones tested again in June. 

I'll try and stay positive for you. I know you'll still be going along being your awesome self, so just keep going. Give your husband a rub on his belly and tell him that you love him.

Love past me.

The following is my response to the letter from my past self.

 Dear Past Me,

Our Husband was very confused when I rubbed his belly smiling and told him I loved him. He thought I was up to something. You know he gets suspicious when you're overly nice to him.

Your letter made me smile. While you didn't get that job with ASIO or City of Perth, you are moving back East, and we are very excited about it. And YES! there is a little baby on the way! And yes, we did go down that IVF path and it wasn't as scary as you thought it might be.

I can't remember what you wrote to our husband, but I hope it makes him smile tomorrow because he'll be flying to Canberra to find us a new home. But don't worry, I'll be joining him soon.

Thank you for staying so positive for me.

Love Future (Present) Me.

8 week scan

My 2nd pregnancy scan - 8w2d

I have been extremely busy lately with our move to Canberra. I've been looking for rental properties that will accept my two big furr-babies (my gorgeous pups). And I've been trying to get our house ready to rent out to new tenants...it has it's stressful moments!

But of course, we still make time to go in for our next ultrasound (which you can see above). It measured 1.86cm. The doctor even pointed out it's head, but I couldn't tell at all what I was looking at. But otherwise, everything is going really well. 

Now my next step is to find an obstetrician, which you would normally do before you get to 10 weeks. However, finding one in Canberra when you still live in Perth is making things a little more difficult. I should be about 12 weeks when I arrive in Canberra, I'd hate to leave it too late! Eeek!

7 weeks

OK, so it has been 3 days since my last Crinone prod. I have started to feel a bit better in general. Yesterday I was ready to spring out of bed again, I even surprised myself with this unexpected energy. Unfortunately, it kept me up until 11.30pm and I paid for it this morning. I narrowly missed a car parked in the emergency lane on the way to work...Aaargh! The driver's seat is no place for resting your eyes. Soo tired today. Cannot focus.

I'm also struggling to get a control over my new digestive habits. Sometimes I get the queezies (not to the point of throwing up yet though). So I eat some crackers, or salty chips. Then I'm absolutely starving and I can't stop eating the chips...

I now know the difference between starving and hungry.  When you're hungry, you can stave off the hunger pains with a little nibble here and there. And when you're starving...it changes your personality. I become pre-historic, I can't form sentences and I can only reply with shrugs and grunts. But as soon as I get some food into my stomach, my face softens and I feel human again.

I've switched my diet from high protein/low carbs to high carbs so that I can increase my fibre intake, hoping to help with the constipation. Only problem is the high carbs makes me a bit bloated. When I'm bloated, I struggle to take deep breaths and it feels as though a tight band is squeezing me around the chest. So I huff and I sigh a lot. I know that has started to annoy my husband. Especially when my dog starts copying me and huffs around the house with me! Ha ha ha!

Looks like I'm going to be in for a fun ride!

No more drugs

This week I have been weaning myself off the Crinone on advice from the Fertility Specialist. I've cut my progesterone prodding back to every second night.Tonight will be my last night.

I've been on drugs since January 20, over two months ago. But I'll be drug free from tomorrow!! I'm excited because then I'd know what symptoms are pregnancy symptoms and not chemical side effects. But I'm also a little worried because I'm on my own now. It's up to my own body, with no help from drugs. Can my body support a baby? I don't know. I guess only time will tell. In the mean time my fingers shall remain tightly locked together :)

7 week scan

Today I had my first pregnancy scan and hubby came in with me. It was an internal ultrasound. You can see the little "yolk" sack and the little embryo inside it on the bottom right. He measured it at 43mm and gave the estimated due date of 12 November (my iPhone app wasn't too far off!)

He also showed the heart beat! He pressed some buttons and the screen changed and the little Belly Bean pulsed with the heartbeat. It's little heart rate was 120-140 bpm. There wasn't any sound, so we couldn't listen to it, but WOW! It was really cool!

Afterwards, he told us that we need to visit our GP and get a referral to an obstetrician for the 12 week scan. We could be in Canberra by then! So if anyone can recommend a good obstetrician in the ACT, that would be fantastic.

He also wanted me to come in for one more scan in another 2 weeks. I've been booked in to see the ovary whisperer, so I'll look forward to that. She's really great with any questions you might have, so I'll make sure I'm prepared. Pregnancy ultrasounds don't start until after 8.30am, so I can have a little sleep in.

We were actually charged for this ultrasound ($85), which can be claimed back on Medicare. But I'm sure the other ultrasounds weren't charged? Maybe they were part of the IVF cost? Not sure.  

But at least we got to leave with little print outs of the ultra sound. It's real! Little Belly Bean :)

6 weeks

It's Sunday, I'm officially 6 weeks, starting into my 7th week now. The embryo should now be the size of a rice grain, or a pea. My picture of a rice grain looks a bit small, I probably should have used a long grain rice instead.

I've started to feel a lot better this week, I've been feeling less side effects from the Crinone and less bloated. I've been worrying a little bit about not making it through the first trimester, but I haven't focused too much on it as I'm so excited I'm still actually pregnant.

I've been looking up the foods I'm not allowed, and I would be half way through eating a pizza and think...is that feta cheese cooked enough? Does that chicken look a bit pink? Or I would grab some grapes from the fridge and start eating them before thinking...did I wash those? To be safe, I may just go vegetarian, avoid soft cheeses and wash all the fruit and vegies before they go in the fridge.

A friend and I were saying how some women still smoke and drink during their pregnancy, which put things into perspective a bit. Here I am, worrying about a dirty grape, and other women are still poisoning their unborn child and still carrying a child to full term. I think I should probably relax a bit.

Otherwise, the main pregnancy symptoms I've been feeling this week is frequent urination, sharp pains and twinges, minor cramps, overall tiredness and changes in my appetite.

Frequent urination

What I didn't understand about frequent urination was the immediate urgency for the need to pee. The usual need to pee would consist of 2 or 3 levels of warning. The first one you would ignore, the 2nd level you would start to make your way towards a toilet at a leisurely pace and the third level is "drop your pants now, I'm not waiting for you anymore". Somehow, when you're pregnant, you skip past that first level and you don't hang around on the second level of warning for too long. So don't ignore the alarm bells when they're distantly ringing, get to the toilet quick...even if it's just for a piddly, little amount. Also, night time pees became an issue. I would need to go to the toilet at 3am every morning. It hasn't been so bad lately. Apparently, your hormones send more blood to the pelvic area and your uterus is positioned right on your bladder (until second trimester), meaning you need to pee more. Brilliant.

Sharp pains, twinges and minor cramps

I notice a few sharp pains, especially when I'm lying on my back and try to move around a bit. Nothing too dramatic. I've felt minor cramps in different areas of my lower abdomen as well, but again nothing too drastic. I read somewhere that cramps are a good indication that the uterus is still preparing itself, still in early construction stages.

Soo tired...

I've been quite tired this week. More than usual. I've found it quite hard to get out of bed in the morning, and I'm just ready to fall onto the couch when I get home from work. I don't drink coffee anymore, but I find a cup of tea does wonders for me. I've also really noticed a drop in energy levels since I've stopped taking my multivitamin. I hear it passes, and again, it's just the baby using up all your energy levels to keep working on the construction stages.

Appetite

My appetite has changed a bit. I can't seem to finish a full meal. So I tend to snack more through out the day instead of having big meals. This also helps prevent bloating. And I always wake up starving!

Blood test No.2

Results came back and they were really positive. My pregnancy hormone is around 4000, which means the levels have doubled regularly like it's supposed to. And my progesterone level is 700, but the nurse said it was all good.

I'm due for my next follow up blood test next weekend, and then I'll be ready for my first scan the following week.

I rang my parents today to tell them they would have two grand babies in November this year. They were both so pleased, they nearly made me cry. They had actually thought of us when my brother announced their pregnancy. So yes, they were really happy. Now I'm going to bed to read Harry Potter to my embryo (that's Mum's suggestion).

5 weeks

5 weeks - embryo is the the size of an orange seed.

I downloaded the "What to Expect when You're Expecting" app and discovered that our embryo has grown from the size of a poppy seed to an orange seed in a week. They grow so fast :)

Positive signs
Every morning I remember to take my temperature to make sure that my BBT stays high at around 37°C. If it drops dramatically that means the pregnancy has ended. I also make a mental note each day my period hasn't arrived. So I'm now 5 days past my due period. These are the little things I do to make sure everything is still going okay. So far so good.

Chemical side effects

I'm still suffering Crinone side effects. Bloating. Constipation. Shortness of breath. The other night my stomach swelled so much it was almost bigger than my boobs. I was hunched over in the bathroom struggling to breathe. And then I gingerly waddled into the living room to lay on the couch. I struggled to roll over to my side. When my stomach expands, it pushes against my diaphragm making it more difficult for me to breathe. It has gotten a bit better today, but it's so hard to suck my stomach in while I'm at work.

It costs how much?
Today we received a major invoice for assisted reproductive services totalling $8460. We also received a separate invoice for the gynaecologist and blood tests. In total we're looking at $9630 for our first cycle so far. I'm pretty sure we can expect more invoices to come. Concept don't charge their fees upfront but they do make you sign a fee schedule which lists all the approximate costs. It's still a huge scary surprise when you open that invoice though!


Tomorrow I have my follow up blood test to check how my levels are going. Hopefully everything is going along well. Will keep you posted.

Cousins and Friends

I received the most amazing news today. My little brother and his wife, newly married, will be expecting a baby...the same time as us. His wife is 6 weeks and I'm 5 weeks.

All of a sudden, it's real. I could visualise our kids playing together. I imagined that we both had little boys and they would become the best of friends. They would be ridiculously close in age. It's something I'd always wanted but didn't think I'd have, as my brothers and I have large age gaps between us.

My older brother and I are 4 years apart. He had his first son when I was only 18 and having children didn't quite fit in with my life plans at that stage. My younger brother is 8 years younger than me, and I never expected that we would be having kids at the same time, but there you go. My youngest brother is 15 years younger than me (he's still at school) and I'm sure I will be physically unable to have kids by the time he starts.

I have already fallen in love with this idea. I really, really want this now. This has snapped me out of denial, and I've finally admitted to myself that I'm pregnant. I haven't let myself accept this pregnancy for a number of reasons. I know there is the risk of losing it, and some say the risk is higher with IVF. This had made me a little anxious and over cautious. I find that I always need to remind myself that so many women have already had beautiful children from IVF as well. But again, I will feel safer after 12 weeks.

But the main reason for my self denial is that I'm afraid to let my guard down. I don't want to bottom out on the next speed bump that comes our way. The last few years have been such a struggle for us that I've come to believe that good things just don't happen to us at all. Now all these amazing things are starting to happen for us and I feel as though this is all too good to be true. I just keep waiting for something bad to happen. But it's not. It won't. We're moving back east. I'm pregnant. My brother is expecting a baby at the same time. I think it's meant to be! I'm just over the moon that I'll actually be on the same side of the country to share it all with him.

Now, Little One, I am so excited for you to meet your new cousin. I think you two will be great friends, whether you're boys or girls. Your Nana and Koro (Grandfather) will be so pleased. Two more mokos (Grandkids) to be spending Christmas with this year!

Positive or Negative?

9.00am
I went in for my blood test. It wasn't busy at all, I was in straight away. Fantastic!

11.00am
Had a few errands to do. Medicare and HBF rebates to claim. Puppies to fawn over in the pet shop. Groceries.

2.00pm
Got home. Chatted with the hubby. Played with the dogs.

2.30pm
What time is it? They usually call by now...hmmm, is that a bad sign? What does that mean? Difficult test results?

2.45pm
Still nothing! Do something. Finish putting the groceries away. Jump on the internet.

2.55pm
Well the fertility centre closes in an hour! They must have my results by now! I'm calling them. It keeps ringing for ages and I get butterflies in my stomach. Nervous all of a sudden. I get put through to someone from embryology. OK, that's weird. Maybe the nurse has gone home and they have to do the ring around? Nope!! She started telling me that 4 out of my 12 eggs fertilised. Sorry lady! Wrong person! Back to reception. My results still aren't ready yet. They will call me back.

3.15pm
Nothing. May as well watch a bit of Foxtel.
3.17pm
Waiting!!!

3.29pm
Phone rings. The nurse apologises for not taking my call earlier. She has good news. My Pregnancy Hormone is 290. That means I'm pregnant people! My progesterone level is 685. These are really good levels for the first blood test. I need to go in next weekend for my next blood test to monitor my levels. Once they reach 15,000 (or +32 days/6 weeks) they'll need to book me in for a scan. I'll feel more confident after that. I still need to keep going with the Crinone, so I need to go in tomorrow morning to pick up more meds.

I'm still in a state of disbelief. I had prepared myself for a negative result, so I was absolutely speechless when she told me. I'm on my way to a baby! I'm stunned. My husband had told me to buy some celebratory Cherry Ripes this morning. So we high fived and cracked them open this afternoon to celebrate.

Now, just stick around Little One, and I'll see you in November.

My predicted due date! (week 40)

The Dreaded Two Week Wait (TWW)

Tomorrow I will be finding out the impending failure or success of this last cycle. I'm a bit nervous, but I'll be happy to find know either way. Things have been a bit crazy the last week. We found out we would be moving interstate for Mr.C's new job on the day of the transfer, which is extremely exciting for us. I also had an old school friend stay with me, so I haven't had much time to focus on the TWW. So, what have I been doing since transfer day?

Post transfer

I went straight back to work the next day. It's a boring office job, so I figured that would be okay. My spacehopper had receded, but it was still a sensitive area, so it forced me to take it easy over that weekend as well. Besides the constipation from the Crinone, I don't remember feeling any other side effects. Well, I did emotionally terrorise my husband with crying outbursts for one morning. But that's pretty much it.

It was great to catch up with my friend. We planned a whole day at the day spa. I had a massage, then we got our nails done. It was just what I needed. The masseuse said I was incredibly tense. I was also on a mission working out the logistics of moving our dogs interstate, one who is so big, they don't have a travel crate big enough to fit him! So that kept me occupied for a while.

And then a couple of days ago, things kind of quietened down, and I noticed some cramping and a little bit of stomach pain. That's when I hit the internet. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any definitive answers on what sort of symptoms you can expect after a transfer. What I really wanted to know was, will it be my normal cycle (30 days)? Or will it be shorter/longer because of meds? How do I know if I'm feeling pregnancy symptoms or Crinone symptoms? One thing I did discover was that a lot of the symptoms I felt really are Crinone side effects. The bloating, the nausea, light headedness, short of breath.

While I didn't find the answers to those specific questions, I did find some interesting information on what to do post transfer and during the TWW.

• Vaginal bleeding may occur before you are due for your pregnancy test. Although this is very disappointing, it does not always mean that treatment was unsuccessful. You should continue using the progesterone until there is a full period and/or the blood test results are known. At the same time, the progesterone itself may delay your period, and this does not necessarily mean that you are pregnant. (Click here for more info)
• Crinone should last you two weeks from EPU, and most women will not get their periods whilst taking Crinone during that time anyway.
• Don't do strenuous or aerobic activity for at least 48 hours after transfer. 
• No sexual intercourse for at least a week afterwards (I've found contradicting evidence on that one. Some centres say there is no harm at all, and some encourage it. The sooner the better!)
• Avoid overheating and try to avoid excessive rises in body temperature (eg. spas, saunas, hot baths, sunbathing)
• Just behave as though you are already pregnant to be safe.

So, it leaves me just waiting for my results tomorrow. I will be disappointed if it's a negative, but I've actually enjoyed learning so much more about the whole process. My husband is quite confident it will be positive, but I'm a bit more cautious. I've made plans for either way.